I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
