I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize