I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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