Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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