I got chris browned last night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
