i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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