I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My cat gives me a boner
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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