Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
