I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
