cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
