idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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