I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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