I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
