I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
