I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
