I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
