he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
