I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
