just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
