K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
