I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
