You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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