never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
