I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
