Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
