I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
