I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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