You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
