You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
