I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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