I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
