I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
