woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
