last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize