You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
