Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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