When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
