and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
