are you still at the devil's house?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
