I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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