This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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