he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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