During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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