Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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