so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
