Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
