ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
