Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
