She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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