cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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