New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
