Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
