Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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