my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize