By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
