grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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