Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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