I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize