How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
