I will die if light touches me.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
