if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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