She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
