He told me they were just razor bumps!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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