He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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