Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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