I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
