last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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