Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
