I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize