party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
