he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
