ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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