Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
