I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
