I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
