Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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