So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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