My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize